Remembering a team of laughter and life.
As the Barstow Upper School cross country team of twenty-twenty-three heaves its final quavery breath, the entire world clambers around its deathbed to catch a glimpse of the erstwhile splendor and “fun” (per Edward Judge ‘27) of the cross country season. Although this particular team at this particular time will never exist again, endings must be embraced, for without endings, there are no beginnings.
Born on August 7, 2023, at 9:00 am to Head Coach Mrs. Candice Baldwin, The Barstow Cross Country team was composed unabashedly of freshmen, who fought valiantly together and had, as Quincy Stribling ‘27 said, “a good experience all around.”
At an early age, the Barstow Cross Country team was questioning its mortality. Quincy Stribling ‘27 admitted that “running can be a great way to clear your mind but it’s tiring, both on your lungs and your legs.” The Barstow Cross Country team graduated with honors from the Midway Meet, Knob Noster Meet, Odessa Meet, Gans Creek Meet, Maranatha Meet, Matt Gannon Invitational, Kearney Meet, XRC Meet, and the District Meet, where it was introduced to other beings for the first time.
The Barstow Cross Country team’s life was not a total cinch. It, like everyone else, experienced the occasional unpleasantries. For example, according to Roland Kaufman ‘27, “My least favorite part was running. I did not like running.” Edward Judge ‘27 said, “My least favorite part was feeling like I’m going too slow, because everyone else is so much faster.” Rachel Morgan ‘27 explained that “running up and down hills for like three miles” is not too fun. Despite the apparent drawback of running, the Barstow Cross Country Team is, according to Quincy Stribling ‘27, “the least time-consuming as far as sports go.”
Although it did not provide daily snacks to its participants (which “really disappointed” Leo Karaichev), the Barstow Cross Country Team did provide the opportunity to its children to vacation to Columbia, Missouri, where they, according to Edward Judge ‘27, “stayed in a hotel off of Mizzou [where there were, indeed] mini-refrigerators.”
Coach Candice Baldwin, (whose technical title is the MS & US Mathematics, Varsity Coed Cross Country and Track & Field Head Coach) is the Barstow Cross Country Team’s Supreme Commander in Chief. The Cross Country Team participants are zealous devotees of her existence. According to Rachel Morgan ‘27, “I really liked the coach, Ms. Baldwin is super sweet,” and according to Leo Karaichev, cross country practice was “exponentially improved by the presence of my favorite person in this school, other than the great Guldini, Coach Baldwin herself.”
The 2023 Barstow Cross Country Team is survived by loving family members Leo Karaichev ‘27, Roland Kaufman ‘27, Sid Kilgore ‘27, Will Kuti ‘27, Rachel Morgan ‘27, Bibi Nin ‘27, and Quincy Stribling ‘27 (alphabetically surnamishly organized), and, of course, The Illustrious Head-Captain-of-Ranks Coach Baldwin. The Cross Country Team was predeceased by her mother, the 2022 Barstow Cross Country Team, her grandmother, the 2021 Barstow Cross Country Team, and a number of other family members who wish not to be mentioned. After “a splendid multifaceted experience” (as said by Leo Karaichev ‘27), the 2023 Barstow Cross Country Team drank its last sorry bit of the world and died.
A memorial service will be held at 13:21 on Monday, February 18, 2023, in the office chair section of the Ikea Warehouse in Merriam, Kansas. Streaming services are available. A religious leader wishing to remain anonymous is presiding. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be sent to any corrupt establishment that strikes your fancy (we would recommend The B-Line, but do what you want).
