Positivity as Negativity, or somewhere in between.
Believe in yourself! Dream big. You are amazing ♥️! Do what you love! Be you! You are brave. Stay positive! Good vibes only. You can do anything!!!
It is likely that, as you read those words, your lips shriveled into a pained greem and a feeling of inadequacy settled upon you. These are instances of what we call “negative positivity,” also known as “toxic positivity,” “middle-aged-lady-in-suburban-area-of-caucasian-ancestry affirmations,” or simply “evil.”
Frequently written in a ghastly, frilly script, protruding with arrows and heart shapes and beastly things alike, these quotes crowd the shelves of Michael’s and Hobby Lobby on pillows, wooden boards, posters, mugs, t-shirts, cookie tins, and other miserable things.
They linger in every nook of suburbia and crawl into our minds with expectations so high that we can scarcely see the top of them. They assure us that we are stupid, pessimistic beings for feeling sad and angry and crankily bemused. They demand that we have life all figured out, with a painfully clean conscience and a perfection as gleaming as the loops and curves of the cursive they use.
VeryWellMind describes Toxic Positivity as “the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.” It often masquerades itself as optimism, though optimism does not include skulking from your feelings and feigning a cheerful countenance for the benefit of ‘saving face.’
Toxic Positivity has a number of uncalled-for drawbacks. It urges us to feel guilty at the slightest hint of unhappiness because “happiness is a choice,” you know. Toxic Positivity invalidates our feelings and invalidates the very stuff that makes us human. As somebody quoted on a Celestial Seasonings box of tea said, “Variety is the very spice of life that gives it all its flavour.” Without sadness, or anger, or unhappy feelings, we lower ourselves to the status of buttons, who, as distinguished as they are, lack a certain neural plasticity and vigor.
There is an oft-quoted line exchanged by friends and foes alike (note: Fabio Fiddleton and Gretchen the Political Euphimist, who will enter your life soon enough, are both works of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental):
Fabio Fiddleton: “Hi, how are you?.
Gretchen, the Politically Inclined Plumbing Instructor: Fine, thank you. And you?
Mr. Fiddleton: Pretty good, thank you.
Gretchen, T.P.I.P.I.: Okay, then.
This conversation reflects the Toxic Positivity we live by; it renders true feelings unintelligible and sweeps any hint of actual discourse down the slimy drain. For if, by greeting someone, you are already lying, any future in that relationship, whether a positive or negative one at that, is doomed and unlikely to bloom.
Now, back to those aforelined lines, evoking sadness more frequently than joy. “Believe in yourself” sounds, on the surface, like an earnest attempt at raising our confidence levels. Is it, though? To believe in one’s self, one must first believe in their circumstances. Say, for instance, somebody’s greatest ambition in life is to travel to the Egyption pyramids. This is all very all, unless they live in a locked cellar 28 billion light years away on Eearendel. If this is the case, the unlikeliness of such a journey is great, even if they wish and wish and wish. “Dream big” has similar issues.
“You are amazing” echoes the long pondered problem of human morality. For all they know, you are a wretched, bloodthirsty ogre who is not deserving of their praise.
“Do what you love!” is rather difficult for those living far-from-picturesque lives to believe, because people working minimum-wage, twelve hour shifts are not doing so because of a want of positive quotes in their youth.
‘Stay positive’ and ‘good vibes only’ only provide a certain pressure to maintain bright-eyed and bushy-tailed facial contortions. And “you can do anything” does not take into account any of the physics learned and discovered over the past five hundred years, or the heavy indolence of us lollygagging slugabeds.
Far from being positive, or hopeful, or lovely, or inspiring, fleems of what they tell us is misguided and crooked and wrong. The next time they slip you a Positive or a Happity, call them out on it and leave.
