Esperanto to seize our school by the scruff of its neck and shake some sense into it.

Lack of communication is the instigator of conflict in eleventy million different types of relationships. Concocting a life considerably free of belligerence is only possible when the different entities in question communicate. Communication on an international level is only possible, though, if warring sides understand one another. Esperanto, a language literally meaning “one who hopes”, is a binding agent that might just rebuild a world of peace. Barstow, a primarily pacifist institution, must teach Esperanto to its children to defer any possibilities of nuclear war and to ensure a future for our world. 

L. L. Zamenhof, a brilliant Polish Jew (more on him soon) remarked that “were there but an international language, all translations would be made into it alone … and all nations would be united in a common brotherhood.” Mr. Zamenhof was struck ill-at-ease by the insurmountable linguistic stockades separating the Russians, Poles, Germans, and Jews in his hometown of Białystok, and set about to yank together a depressingly disparate world. 

After thumping away at his keyboard for a rather lengthy lump of time, Mr. Zamenhof, in 1887, gave birth to what is now the most widely spoken constructed international auxiliary language (auxiliary meaning that it is not anyone’s primary mother tongue) in the form of a book, Dr. Esperanto’s International Language. Zamonhof never intended Esperanto to commandeer our tongues and murder the 7,117 known languages we speak around the world, but intended it as a secondary language we can spew out on demand. 

Esperanto is a deer-who-is-figure-skating-beneath-the-shade-of-the-moon-ly exquisite construction for a variety of reasons: for one, it’s an ideal combination of naturalistic (drawing from already existing languages) and a priori (unique to Esperanto) parts. As Mr. Chuck Payne, Barstow World Language teacher said, “it’s a weird conglomeration of languages from around the world”.

 For another, there are only around 9,000 words in the language (due to its properties as an agglutinative language (whatever that means)) compared to the estimated 1 million words of the English Language. As a consequence, learning Esperanto, as said by Esperanto-USA, takes only one quarter of the amount of time required for learning other languages.

For some reason, though, Esperanto failed. As you might not have noticed, we don’t speak Esperanto (unless you are a part of the eccentric bunch estimated to 100,000 fellows (which is 0.00126774848% of the world’s population, in case you were wondering) who actually does speak it), nor does it connect us to nonanglicized kindred spirits we might never have the chance to meet (due toward the linguistic contrariety between us and them). 

Mr. Payne remarked that “Because people have evidently tried to make it catch on and if it’s been this many years and only two-thousand people speak it, it’s probably not a very successful system”. But allow the following statistic to trickle into your mind and make you feel inarticulate and alone: 83% of the world does not speak English. No explanation is needed as to why Esperanto is needed. 

Esperanto has been hated by a number of grumpy dictatorships (including Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia, Imperial Japan, and Francoist Spain) out of a certain vague distrust (for being “an international spy organization”, “a language that could be used by an international Jewish conspiracy once they achieved world domination”, “too Bolshevist”, and “too similar to anarchists, socialists and Catalan nationalists”, among others). However, it is not even given the dignity of hate anymore. It has been criticized for being too Euro-centric, though.

The Barstow School instructs its pupils in Chinese, French, and Spanish (and English), all widely spoken languages throughout the world. Learning Chinese, (English), French, or Spanish is, rest assured, a way of building bridges (to use the hackneyed phrase) between us and the rest of the human population (if only a brittle backbone of a bridge that will collapse at the whisper of a human step). 

But would you (I will clobber the fourth wall hollow if that is what it takes) rather be on a shaky bridge with one measly destination or a powerful bridge that leads everywhere you can possibly imagine (well, not everywhere you can possibly imagine; that’s a tremendously overstretched euphemism)? We are in too much of a hurry to wait for your response to that question, but other people value your opinion (do not fret). 

Now, the very idea of learning Esperanto sounds like a squiziting squandering of time- “peace is all good and dandy,” you say, “but nobody speaks Esperanto.” If Barstow were to teach Esperanto, it would leave a faint smudge on the timeline of the pursuit of global quietude, and will in all likelihood be forgotten by tomorrow. But the path to converting the world to Esperanto must begin on an extremely small scale. As David Mitchell wrote, “My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”

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To test your new Esperanto knowledge:

Manko de komunikado estas la instiganto de konflikto en dekdek malsamaj specoj de rilatoj. Elpensi vivon konsiderinde liberan de militemo eblas nur kiam la diversaj estaĵoj koncernitaj komunikas. Komunikado sur internacia nivelo estas ebla, tamen, se batalantaj flankoj komprenas unu la alian. Esperanto, laŭvorte “tiu, kiu esperas”, estas deviga agento, kiu povus simple rekonstrui mondon de paco. Barstow, ĉefe pacisma institucio, devas instrui Esperanton al siaj infanoj prokrasti ajnajn eblecojn de nuklea milito kaj certigi estontecon por nia mondo. .

Tamen ial Esperanto malsukcesis. Kiel vi eble ne rimarkis, ni ne parolas Esperanton (krom se vi estas parto de la ekscentra aro taksita je 100 000 samideanoj (kio estas 0,00126774848% de la monda loĝantaro, se vi scivolis) kiu efektive parolas ĝin), nek ĝi ligas nin al neangligitaj parencaj spiritoj, kiujn ni eble neniam havos la ŝancon renkonti (pro la lingva kontraŭeco inter ni kaj ili). Permesu al la jena statistiko flui en vian menson kaj sentigi vin senartiko kaj sola: 83% de la mondo ne parolas la anglan. Ne necesas klarigo, kial Esperanto estas bezonata.

Esperanto estis malamata de kelkaj malbonhumoraj diktatorecoj (inkluzive de Nazia Germanio, Sovetrusio, Imperia Japanio kaj frankisma Hispanio) pro certa neklara malfido (pro esti “internacia spiona organizo”, “lingvo kiu povus esti uzata de iu. internacia juda konspiro post kiam ili atingis la mondregadon”, “tro bolŝevisma”, kaj “tro simila al anarkiistoj, socialistoj kaj katalunaj naciistoj”, inter aliaj), sed eĉ ne ricevas la dignon de malamo plu. Ĝi tamen estis kritikita pro tio, ke ĝi estas tro eŭro-centra.

En alia noto, Barstow instrukcias siajn lernantojn en la ĉina, la franca, kaj la hispana (kaj la angla), ĉiuj vaste parolataj lingvoj ĉie en la mondo. Lerni la ĉinan, (la anglan), la francan kaj la hispanan estas, trankvile, maniero konstrui pontojn (por uzi la truditan frazon) inter ni kaj la resto de la homa loĝantaro (se nur fragila spino de ponto, kiu kolapsos ĉe. la flustro de homa paŝo).

Se Barstow instruus Esperanton, ĝi lasus malfortan makulon sur la templinio de la serĉado de tutmonda paco, kaj verŝajne estos forgesita ĝis morgaŭ. Sed, kiel David Mitchell skribis, “Mia vivo sumiĝas al ne pli ol unu guto en senlima oceano. Tamen kio estas iu oceano, krom amaso da gutoj?”